Treat Your Romantic Parnterships like Friendships

Dating 2009-04-27 11:19

Gala Darling transcribed an article (author unknown) titled Infinite Relationships. Some excellent passages:

“In the beginning I would meet a beautiful new person, we would broaden each others’ horizons and have wonderful experiences together, and thus fall in love. At first we would feel more free together than either of us ever had, and the world would seem full to overflowing with possibility and wild joy. But slowly, not trusting the rest of the world, or the future in which we might not feel such wonderful things, we would build our relationship into a castle, to keep out the cold and dangerous outside world, and protect our passion by turning it into an institution. Sex, which at the beginning had been something that came more naturally and freely than anything else, became jealously guarded as the seal sanctifying our love relationship, as proof that it was different than all our other relationships. [This seems, in retrospect, like a really strange role for sex to play.] Inevitably, I would wake up one day and realize that the free, feral passion that we’d been united by was gone, replaced by habit, routine, fear of change; the castle we’d built had become a tomb, sealing us inside and away from the outside world.”

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Vicky Cristina Barcelona

Art, Dating 2008-08-25 11:09

Saw Vicky Cristina Barcelona the other night, and really enjoyed it. As for the polyamory themes it contains, Lauren Wissot sums it up nicely:

“Not only is [Woody Allen’s] latest celluloid psychotherapy session Vicky Cristina Barcelona a phenomenal work of intellectual porn, but it also happens to contain one of the sexiest, most hysterical and poignant portrayals of polyamory to come along in a long, long time. Allen actually gets that those of us who choose to live outside of hetero monogamy are not voracious sex addicts lacking in morality – on the contrary, we simply abide by a different set of desires and ethics than that of the mainstream.”

Some heartwarming stills:

Marriage Freedoms

Politics, Dating, Infinite Series 2008-05-15 05:19

Forty years ago, the US supreme court ruled that a state law to bar interracial marriage was unconstitutional. Today we have a similar ruling, this time for same-sex marriage, from the California supreme court. The case for freedom marches steadily forward; I often wish it moved faster, but I’m just glad that we keep moving in the right direction.

The Awkward Interval

Dating 2007-10-21 12:36

Eric Raymond, noted open source advocate, libertarian, and polyamorist writes the Sex Tips for Geeks. A choice bit:

“Ahh, dating — that awkward interval between the moment two people realize they might take their clothes off for each other and the moment that they actually do it.”

State-Sanctioned Poly Marriage

Politics, Dating 2007-08-17 07:17

Two developing lines of legal argument may someday bring about state recognition for polyamorous marriage: the argument from polyamory, and the argument from bisexuality. In a 2004 law review article, Elizabeth F. Emens, of the University of Chicago Law School, offers the argument from polyamory (see “Monogamy’s Law: Compulsory Monogamy and Polyamorous Existence,” New York University Review of Law & Social Change). Polyamory is more than the mere practice of multiple sexual partnership, says Emens. Polyamory is also a disposition, broadly analogous to the disposition toward homosexuality. Insofar as laws of marriage, partnership, or housing discriminate against polyamorous partnerships, maintains Emens, they place unfair burdens on people with “poly” dispositions. Emens takes her cue here from the polyamorists themselves, who talk about their “poly” inclinations the way gays talk about homosexuality. For example, polyamorists debate whether to keep their poly dispositions “in the closet” or to “come out.”

From Here Comes the Brides by Stanley Kurtz

“Please God, Make Me Less Horny”

Spirituality, Dating 2007-01-10 04:04

Polyamory Link Barrage

Dating 2006-12-16 01:47

“Got the hots for one of those strictly monogamous people? Yeah, they’re like puppies - really cute, but often a whole lot of trouble.”

Just one of many useful tips from Things Poly People Should Know.

“Open Fidelity describes a new way of thinking about faithfulness in sexual relationships - a way that doesn’t assume that faithfulness means monogamy. […] Open fidelity means making realistic promises that you can keep, and then keeping them.”

From Not a lot of content there, but you can order their book.

I discovered these links (any many others) through Polyamory Weekly. This is one of the most entertaining and well-produced podcasts I’ve ever heard - on any subject. It’s extremely useful for anyone that wants to have a successful, happy relationship, whether or not you are poly. You can download the mp3s straight from their site, or subscribe via iTunes. They also post the show notes on LiveJournal.

Dating Myths

Life, Dating 2006-07-07 04:37

Despite the bitter and slightly misogynistic tone of this piece, there are many nuggets of wisdom and some good advice to be found within.

“Myth: If only I could meet the right woman, my life would have meaning.

Truth: If your life doesn’t have meaning right now, when you’re single, then a relationship isn’t going to help. […]

The only way to have a happy life is to develop one for yourself, then leave an opening for someone else to come and share it with you. Neither of these two things is easy. In particular, it’s too easy once you’ve developed a life for yourself to end up with someone who was doing exactly what you were doing before — waiting for Prince Charming (or in your case Lady Love) — to come and rescue her life. People like this end up draining away all of that energy you’ve worked so hard to build up, leaving you exhausted and frustrated.”