A note on chatting



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Taken from 'Queen of the Bad Faeries' by Brian Froud.  See http://www.faeries.net/ for more information.


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I make a request on my profile that anyone who contacts me would kindly read this page first. It really does not seem like an outrageous request. So, if I sent you this link in response to a message you sent me, it is because I gathered from your initial contact message that you did not notice my request, or are choosing to ignore it. If you are choosing to ignore it, please expect to be treated with the same courtesy. If you did not notice the request for some reason or other, please take this opportunity to review it, and contact me again if you feel that you will be able to accommodate me. If not - no hard feelings. We probably just wouldn't have hit it off.



Really, I'm not a bitch. There are just some things that annoy the hell out of me, and I would like to kindly ask you to refrain from doing them. Please.


  1. Blank Profiles
  2. Who are you and why are you talking to me?
  3. Knowing how to talk
  4. Marital Status: Long-term Relationship
  5. Pictures
  6. Don't buzz me.


1. Blank Profiles

My number one pet peeve is when people contact me on yahoo with blank profiles. (It really is - see there? It says the number one.) It absolutely drives me insane, and I'll tell you why.

First off, it's just plain rude. You read my profile, and it tells you all sorts of things about me - and in fact, that is why you decided to contact me. Then you come to me, and I have nothing on you. It would be like inviting me skinny-dipping, then stealing my clothes and sitting there watching me from the shore, fully clothed.

That's the main reason that I demand a profile with something interesting on it from people, but there are other good reasons too.

If your contacting me through livejournal or some other source, and don't keep an updated Yahoo profile, that is understandable. Just please send me a link to your LJ info page, or any other profile or webpage that will tell me something about you.

2. Who are you and why are you talking to me?

If you are contacting me, I expect you to give me some reason that I should want to talk to you. It may sound a little harsh, but really I am just asking that you follow the same guidelines that you would if we were standing face to face. If you were to walk up to me in a room, what would you say? You would probably start with something like, "Hey, that's a cool [thing]." or, "Hey, your shirt has Zim on it. Are you a big Johnnen fan?" You would probably not walk up to me and say, "Hi. Male. 27. Florida." and then stand there drooling waiting for me to talk to you. (Well... at least I *hope* you wouldn't.)

So, tell me. How did you come across my name? What made you decide to contact me? Do we have something in common? Start a *conversation*. Don't just mumble a few stark words and phrases and expect me to pick it up from there.

3. Knowing how to talk

At the risk of seeming prejudice, I am going to have to ask that you speak fluent english. I have attempted chatting with people that do not speak good english, and it has always been a disaster. There is enough confusion and miscommunication when chatting with people for whom english is their native language. Attempting to communicate with people who don't is impossible. Every message is misunderstood, and requires approximately five more messages to clarify it. And at least two of the clarification messages are misunderstood and must be clarified, and... You get the point - it is not very much fun.

(This point can, sadly, apply to people for whom english is their native language. But there isn't much I can say to those people. Telling people "Don't be stupid." doesn.t usually work very well in my experience.)

4. Marital Status: Long-term Relationship

See that part on my profile where I say that I am in a long-term relationship? Well, I am. Really. I promise.

I am not interested in dating you. I do not want to have cyber-sex with you. I do not want to flirt with you. I do not want to see your nude pix. I will not send you mine. I don't want you to tell me about your fantasies and fetishes. I am in a long-term relationship, in which I am absolutely in love, committed, and very happy.

5. Pictures

I am pretty picky with who I send pictures of myself to. I have to have been talking to you for at least a couple of weeks. (Repeat - at least a couple of weeks.) Please do not ask me in your first IM if I have a pix. Do not encourage me to put more pictures of myself on my web page. And as previously mentioned, do not ask me for my nude pix. There are no nude pictures of me in existence, and even if there were I would not give them to you.

6. Don't buzz me.

I have come across a new phenomenon lately. Someone will start a new conversation with me, usually when I am not here, and usually breaking most of the guidelines on this page, and then when I do not answer promptly enough for their taste, they have the nerve to buzz me. Do not do this. I consider it extremely rude to demand my attention before I have shown even the slightest interest in talking to you. Unless you have said something particularly intriguing, I will most likely ignore you completely from that point forward.

With all that in mind...



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